Tuesday 12 April 2016

The Service Chronicles 23: The Dawn of the Snakes.


Monday was a day of promise. I had gotten a reply from Fat Cat and I had an appointment with his Madam at Ray Power, any time from 11 pm (do I hear a whoop whoop).
I trudged to the church, I had had an almost long night, slept around after 12 and I still wanted to sleep but the call to prayer was by 5:45AM and I had no choice to go to church. After a very educative session at devotion I went back to bed only to be awoken by Nam nam; asking for a cutlass. And because amebo is my biggest hobby I asked him what it was for; it’s a pity I can’t put that in my CV. My amebo skills are one in a million I could be a mighty spy, like the CIA needs to employ me. Anyhow sha, after I asked what the cutlass was for, he mentioned to kill a snake. At first I thought this man was joking only for me to let my amebo lead me by hand outside and see Nnamdi or as Koch calls him Unamdi balancing a snake on the cutlass.

Fear fear fear!!!!! I was terrified. The thing ehn is that I don’t like snakes, okay let me repharse that I am absolutely terrified, petrified, horrified of snakes, I can’t even see the picture of a snake without losing it. If you know any other big words to describe extreme fear please fill in the blanks. With this fear I stood outside and refused to look at the reptile. I actually just looked down to be sure none is lurking around ready to pounce. The funny thing about amebo is that your thirst for knowledge is unquenchable, so I stood there and used Jooey (another Joseph) to shield myself from having to see the snake and listened to Koch regale us with snake stories, apparently he is a hunter who went to school; secondary and tertiary where he had to major in snake hunting. His stories still have me very frightened. The even scarier thing is that they had killed one the night before, few minutes after I had gone back to bed.
After that I read a little while I ate, basked in the sun more like punished myself by lying on a couch in the sun, read some more and then chatted with Godswill.  By 10:54 I proceeded to get ready for my interview of some sorts, when I got there I had to wait for a while. After my chat with the very nice lady in charge I got the gig and I am happy to announce that the wish I had when I was eight is coming to pass.
I called my dad who advised me on a topic to discuss, oh yes it is health radio, this in some way should affect my health lifestyle. So I have to prepare three or four topics. The day before my program is aired I promise to tell you guys. Aya it’s only the folks in Ilorin that will get to listen.
I got back to the lodge and we all know who I had lunch with, no other person than my new Oga’s wife. She is really nice. I woke up around four groggy and sleepy eyed. Had a bath at the suggestion of a friend and I felt a little bit better.

Ah! If you know me well you will know that I missed a Monday ritual, Monday madness at the cinema, the situation is very bad now that I can’t go and see a movie o! You people should help me pray that this people pay us na. I don’t know how to be broke, I think this is one of the things that cause High blood pressure and as Papa Nkem would say this is my time and I cannot come and let poverty spoil my time.   
That’s by the side; after my bath I went to get something to eat and then I had another long talk with Churchill. You guys this is bad o, it’s like I don’t hear word or even learn lessons. I have really been enjoying breaking hearts and being a fine girl just like the type that Sean Kingston sang about in Beautiful Girls, this boy has just come and made me feel something and the funny thing is that if he ever makes a move on me I may just become that girl that enjoys breaking hearts, oh well. Maybe because he is too much like my type of Nigga; tall, dark, handsome, facial hair and smart, very smart (I know tautology) did I mention smart and it is mandatory for me that he is unavailable. I am too damn self-destructive, I will just find myself going after Niggas that are unavailable in some way. Sum total of this is that I need prayers. And in his case he has too many girls that like him and he is a regular dude. I don’t even want to get into it. Yeah, my friend Ronke came around yesterday, funny girl.

After our heart to heart that still has me wanting him as usual and never solves anything. I went to have a moment with music and books and I felt so good after.
I escorted Uju (lodge friend too) to Shoprite and saw my loves, they are my friends from camp who happen to be twins; one was in my platoon while the other was in the next platoon. It was crazy fun and they succeeded in embarrassing me in front of my Pharmacist boyfriend (some Pharmacist guy who I think is cute and he is really cute and I am over sure likes me)
Night devotion was a row, I had to anchor the Valedictory speeches for that night and two people were having their Valedictory speeches. The first one went smoothly, the second one not so, because I honestly cannot stand the dude I had to talk to, no need to waste any breath on him.


It was a goodnight that ended with me talking to the boy I used to love the most; Bambam. 

Nkem Oyaghire

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