Fat Barbie

My biggest disgrace is my body. Sadly, I have no choice but to lug it around all day and take it wherever I have to go to. My size 16 body which some people may not call fat and would even go as far as referring me to a bigger girl would say you are just fine, but they don’t see those models in the magazines that I love to read soo much, how none of those models is a waist line not bigger than a size 4 and even the size 6 ones don’t reach the acceptable level talk less of size 16 me. They don’t see the laughing eyes of the trim figured girls, who keep taunting me with their looks of disapproval and pity because of the size of my waist line.
I know I have to remind myself that I’m beautiful and that the body is just a house that should contain a beautiful soul, but my slender alter ego tells me “girl, that really cute boy won’t see your soul first.” My protruding belly won’t stop laughing at me when I try to suck her in before a mirror. She says ‘you fool, you have made me ugly and you better live with it”

The adverts all talk about getting that trim figure and what to and not eat and how many times a day I ought to exercise, in those adverts all I see are a bunch of slender girls who don’t eat or even need to do those routines. I have tried that but the results are still not okay for the models of Vogue and society at large. Now to compound matters there’s this one boy who is like a calorie calculator who keeps calculating all the calories on any plate of food he sees me with. My mother’s nagging and brother’s taunting calling me ugly not because my face lacks the golden ratio but because I don’t have the body for a bikini, drive me mad, the word ugly hitting my ears and back like whips make me weak and I’m tired because I realize that nobody would really want to walk up to the fat girl and say “hi’ only if he is drunk or has blurred vision.
How many times have I gone to the pharmacy to ask for diet pills or laxatives? How many times have I kneeled before the toilet bowl and didn’t have the courage or will to stick my fingers in? The first love of my life; food is now my biggest enemy because I can’t order the fat in those delicious meals to go to my butt or breast, like curses they reside in my back, thighs and stomach making me look like a sack of potatoes. The other day my mother who always has my best interest in her mind, saw a picture of me where I had lost some weight and says to me, “see how beautiful you look, only if you could maintain this figure” and I thought of the big girls I knew who are very beautiful, but people won’t look beyond their weights and just dismiss their faces and only think of them as fats girls.
This is not to spite slender girls or accuse them of having incredible figures, but to tell the bigger girls who don’t have flat stomachs or a thigh gap, that they are beautiful and if anybody can’t see that then such people have problems bigger than their weights.
Growing up I rarely remember seeing a fat Barbie, they were all pretty thin, full-haired dolls, but I had a fat Barbie, weird, I had one, she didn’t even have any hair on her head, but the fun thing about that doll was she lasted longer than the other thin ones; I always lost their parts quickly. Thinking about her now I wonder why I only ever saw one and I know why. Little girls like pretty dolls, a fat doll can’t be considered pretty. One day on Yahoo news I read about a doll that rejects food, imagine an anorexic doll. I miss my fat Barbie, she was beautiful to me.
@nkemoyaghire