The Service Chronicles 2: Queen Elizabeth Boys

As I stared at the message on my phone my heart kicked into gear five. OMG! Could this be real? Patience is a virtue that I lack and I refuse to practice that delayed gratification nonsense. So I quickly opened the message expecting to see the promise of love and smell the budding roses of romance that this was becoming. Who would have thought that zonal meeting guy would be so forthcoming? You know how fine boys can be, because their mirrors have told them an amazing secret they will not let the hearts of hopeful romantics like us rest. Which is why a message so soon after a call made me hear wedding bells in the distance, maybe five or ten years distance but a distance of some kind. (This time I kid not).

I clicked open only for me to see MTN offering me some stupid bonus offer. Ah!!!!!!!!!!!

No amount of exclamation marks can express my anger at this people. Why would they do this to me? I tried to use my phone to break the wall but I remembered how long I would have to beg my father for a new one and my allawee CANNOT be violated by this. Even if I decided to save from it, by the time I’m done with service I will still come up short. So I just smiled and said to myself; maybe next time.

Four hours later I found myself in school furiously marking scripts and wondering where I had gone wrong. How am I supposed to feel when after grading about fifty scripts only five people get the pass mark of thirty five? I take things personally and personally I have to say that I hate it when the people I teach fail.

For crying out loud, for three months I continuously asked “do you understand me?” I would do the war dance of the native Indians, do the walk of the people of my village and almost speak the speech of Ilorin people to get the message of my lesson across to the minds of the thirteen to nineteen year olds that I teach, but still all this did not clear the path for my lessons.

I am tired of serving my country. The pittance of a salary and the failings of our educational system have me befuddled and a teeny weeny bit frostrated (a student spelt frustrated that way).

To avoid getting stupid by transfer from reading all those ridiculous answers. Like really? How hard is it to give the meaning of “Purification”.

I decided to go my madam’s house to chill and I met a nightmare. 

You see boys have a thing for me and vice versa (I really do need help). My bad! Boys have a thing for girls. My bad again! Some boys have a thing for girls. 

Let me tell you this quick story that will introduce you another one of the men in my life. you would think I had some great pheromone. So one time, like on this extremely hot day in January; as I was leaving the school compound, I saw two of my madam’s sons. She has three. Very long story cut short I ended up following the eldest one to his house and emm... grown up things happened. I have to confess that I felt really bad after that and I prayed really hard. If I were Catholic I would have done a hundred Hail Marys but I have to stick to faith and strongly believe that God heard me.

After the grown up stuff, this guy chooses not to call me, which was aii (I’m allowed to use text lingo). I broke one of the almighty rules (which is sometimes a stupid rule ) and called him first; I have to live on the edge occasionally and I really could not take the stupid suspense anymore (patience is not my greatest gift). After a couple of telephone conversations he said something immensely nasty. I really can’t say it here, just know that it was a very bad phrase. Honestly it is not his fault; I woke up that demon by calling first.

So I was angry and hoped never to see him again. Only for me to step on the threshold of the house and the first thing I hear from the mouth of Philip (his name by the way) is

“No way!”

Quickly said hello to the rest of the people there, asked for their mum as she was not in school and proceeded to run away. Only for Philip to chase me and give me a really long speech on how he was sorry.

The only thing I got from that was the promise of a date, which honestly I expect to be broken.

Headed back to the dreaded scripts, heck I love my students but why break my heart thus? By five thirty I noticed that my eyes were seeing five lines in place of one. Packed up shop and headed back to the lodge, where it was just another cool evening (only because it rained. Ilorin is very hot) with me spending my time judiciously by doing absolutely nothing while Jazz played in the background; I love me some Jazz music. I don’t understand hardworking people. Why won’t you just sloth around. I promise it’s a lot of fun.

Now this is me reporting live from the venue of my latest disappointment; Zonal meeting guy has not called. Am I being too expectant?

My phone just rang.  *smiles*

Nkem Oyaghire