The Service Chronicles 9: Good Friday

Yesterday was Good Friday. It was not so bad. I went to hospital to stay with my grandmother who has been discharged by the way. When I left my house I wouldn’t have thought that I would be scouring the streets in earnest search for Akara. I had to buy some for my grandmother to eat with her Pap. Like really! It is Akara and I walked up and down the whole of Godmon Street; my street in search for something I always take as immensely trivial. 

Called Mama Nkem that I didn’t see any Akara o, she advised me to just go to the hospital and buy Moimoi at a restaurant near the hospital only for me to take a bike to Isolo and see Akara on my way but the bike was going too fast. At Isolo I still said I should look for Akara at least there’s a market in the vicinity I must see Akara. To my beautiful surprise still no Akara! 

 The way I entered the Keke and yelled Aye bus stop, I must have frightened the other passengers. When I got to the restaurant I just knew they were chasing me from somewhere. They just had to be chasing me, how else will you explain that of all the things not ready in the restaurant Moimoi just happened to be it? I called Mama Nkem again because my cognitive sense of reasoning had been fried. It has been fried since I got to Lagos. Honestly the weather here is worse than in Ilorin and I do not lie or exaggerate on this. Then she advised I buy beans! Surprise surprise they had beans, I rushed to the hospital because old people can be cranky and its worse when they are ill. 

Upon entering the building I stumbled upon a ghost of my past. It’s not like she was of great importance or something of that sort, she’s just really fair, she is fairer than anybody I know; heck her nickname is Jennifer White and then she had blue contacts on. Really ghostly combination. I said a curt hello and moved on.

Served Nne; my grandmother her breakfast and went to buy coffee and milk for myself. I began another long walk; firstly I entered some GiGi supermarket, got St Louis sugar (I thought it had been banned) and a cupcake, while in the supermarket I heard the coolest retelling of the story of Esther in the bible on Naija Fm. Then began the longest search for a mallam, I eventually found one after I lost hundred pounds. I hurried back to the hospital and ate. Whipped out my laptop and to my chagrin found out I didn’t come with my charger.  Hmm, they were chasing me and this confirmed it. Decided to nap but the other patient in the room had a noisy senior brother who will not stop crying, I don’t understand what the deal is with children and constantly crying. Somebody should do a tutorial before they come down to earth and tell them it stops being cute the moment you can talk and crying never solves anything. 

A few hours into my lethargic nap my grandmother knocks on my head and tells me to go and buy her food, to this I call my mother and inquire for the whereabouts of her son; my father and Mama Nkem replies that she’s on her way with lunch. 

When she gets here; Nne eats well (a very good sign) and my mother sends me on my way to buy something scary. Mama Nkem sent me to buy live chickens. Hahahahahaha; what a nightmare. So I dragged David; my youngest brother along and we went Chicken hunting at Cele market. He picks two good ones, I dared not touch them. Fear won’t let me.

Our chickens were cleaned and we headed home. As I got home I marinated them and did some other stuff. As I lay down to rest my beautiful (I’m allowed to be vain) but weary self my phone rang. My mother needed me to start cooking and I just started to feel bad for all the housewives out there. Those women are really trying. What am I saying? All women try joor (okay, so that they will not say I’m only for the women) you men try too.

So I rose from my comfy position on the couch. By the way I love couches, when I get married somebody should please buy me an all-white couch I don’t care for what is inside because it is for only aesthetic purposes and those that really love me should buy me a couch I can desecrate with all manner of lazy acts preferably brown.

Okay, back to the matter at hand. I went to cook a pot of Jollof rice. Blah blah blah, more like abracadabra the food was ready and we ate. My aunt just got back and my grandmother got discharged at night. The house was full. As usual like the undead I staggered to bed.

Hold on my phone just rang and caller ID says Boye (zonal meeting guy) and I sigh deeply with finally on my lips and decide to act coy. I miss the call. 

Nkem Oyaghire