The Service Chronicles 11: Easter Sunday

Funny story, I noticed that my time on my phone has been exactly an hour fast. When I realized this I was really mad. I had woken up by 5: 55 AM which was actually 4:55 AM to slice some onions and wash the rice for the Easter fried rice we were supposed to cook. Only for me to look at the clock and see something that did not seem right. I rushed to my phone and set things straight and went back to sleep.

Only for Mama Nkem to interrupt me while picking a wedding dress in my dream. Anywho I awakened and did the perfect child duties without a grumble. My parents left for church and I didn’t. I had to stay home with my grandmother in case she needed anything. 

Which thankfully she didn’t; she mostly slept. So while she dozed I regaled myself with back to back episodes of Big Bang Theory. It’s on my “to download list” but the lack of sufficient money and free WIFI has shortened my download urges. Poverty is indeed a bastard. 

After a while I nodded off only to be awakened by the bell, Papa Nkem was on the other side of the door. After he had settled down I offered him his food and tried to continue sleeping to no avail. Mama Nkem also stormed in and demanded food. Poor me. 

I still tried to grab some sleep but no the devil just had to disrupt my lazy Sunday; an Uncle came over so I served more food. This Uncle has said the funniest prayer point I have ever heard in my life. One day his family comes to my house, he is Aunty Philo’s husband and then when they are leaving he leads us in some deeeeeeep prayer points one of which is. I take a break to warn you that you should not try this alone at home do it in your church in the presence of your pastor. So he asked us to say too those enemies “you do me I no know, you do me I know, fall down and die” at this point my younger brother; Uche and I exchange a look and stifle our laughter and begin to pray. He is a Mountain of Fire pastor so it is only expected that he knows these kinds of prayers.

As I retreated to my hideaway from my slavery duties; I started to chat with an old flame turned friend and the mixed signals I was getting from him were a little bit weird, but with the lord on my side I didn’t slide into the temptation of concocting scenarios in my head. You know the kind of images we girls like to have especially of that Ex we just couldn’t and still can’t get enough of. Where we hope he realizes that we are the reason for his existence and without us he will just be an empty husk of himself and until he has begged and scraped his metaphorical knees on the metaphorical threshold of our heart that has in the words of my senior sister Aunty Adele melted to stone. These images are the kind I advise we avoid. Once they start to create themselves quickly swerve your train of thought because it is heading to Heartbreak Hotel where you already have a Presidential Suite. So I quickly avoided these images. 

Now there is a problem. You know how sometimes you are great with people on Social media and then in real life you guys can’t even hold eye contact talk less of a real conversation. Well the reverse is the case with Boye, like we really flow in real life and during telephone conversations but our social media life needs Vitamin E,A,B,C, D and all the good vitamins that helps with growth. Like how can we suck at this? This I will take as a sign that we will spend a lot of time together with our phones discarded (now I really kid.)  

So I have this thing where I read novels, it’s called a hobby for those of you who don’t know. Yes, I am a nerd. Hooray for me and all that mess. This book I am currently reading is the one I mentioned like three episodes ago; Me Before You by Jojo Moyes and it is amazingly interesting. If you don’t believe in romance don’t read it!!! I know some of you cynical people will be acting like boss ass bitches and bad boys; with your noses in the air at the mention of all the things that come with a proper love story. I am here to preach to you that you are missing out on the beauties of romance.

I would also say that you should not mind me; I am currently exploring the singularity of life (not voluntarily.)

Guys I have a dilemma. My mummy is obsessed with Investigation Discovery and they have all these evil and sinister shows and she will na gather us in the palour and tell us to watch. Tell me how am I not supposed to have nightmares? And my daddy will be concurring with phrases like “mankind’s evil know no bounds”. It is really frightening. When she switches to other stations it is quite shocking, I thought we paid for only Investigation Discovery. 

I have to go now Boye just asked me what is my idea of wonderful jewelry and I am about to explain in beautiful detail the engagement ring I want so that he won’t make a mistake when he surprises me with it when we travel to Venice for our fourth anniversary.  

Nkem Oyaghire